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Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love (The Dr. Sue Johnson Collection, 1)

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Description

MORE THAN 1,000,000 COPIES SOLD! Strengthen and deepen your relationships with revelatory practical exercises, seven profound conversations, and sage advice from “the best couple’s therapist in the world” (John Gottman, PhD, bestselling author) Are you looking to enrich a healthy relationship, revitalize a tired one, or rescue one gone awry? We all want a lifetime of love, support, and companionship. But sometimes we need a little help. Enter Dr. Sue Johnson, developer of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy and “the most original contributor to couple’s therapy to come along in the last thirty years,” according to Dr. William J. Doherty, PhD. In Hold Me Tight, Dr. Johnson shares her groundbreaking and remarkably successful program for creating stronger, more secure relationships. The message of Hold Me Tight is simple: Forget about learning how to argue better, analyzing your early childhood, making grand romantic gestures, or experimenting with new sexual positions. Instead, get to the emotional underpinnings of your relationship by recognizing that you are emotionally attached to and dependent on your partner in much the same way that a child is on a parent for nurturing, soothing, and protection. Dr. Johnson teaches that the way to enhance or save a relationship is to be open, attuned, and responsive to each other and to reestablish emotional connection. With this in mind, she focuses on key moments in a relationship and uses them as touch points for seven healing conversations, including: Recognizing the Demon DialoguesFinding the Raw SpotsRevisiting a Rocky MomentForgiving InjuriesKeeping Your Love Alive These conversations give you insight into the defining moments in your relationship and guide you in reshaping these moments to create a secure and lasting bond. Through stories from Dr. Johnson’s practice, illuminating advice, and practical exercises, you will learn how to nurture, protect, and grow your relationship, ensuring a lifetime of love. Read more

Publisher ‏ : ‎ Little, Brown Spark; First Edition (April 8, 2008)


Language ‏ : ‎ English


Hardcover ‏ : ‎ 300 pages


ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 031611300X


ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 07


Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 2.31 pounds


Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 6.5 x 1.25 x 9.63 inches


Best Sellers Rank: #1,529 in Books (See Top 100 in Books) #17 in Marriage #20 in Interpersonal Relations (Books) #25 in Love & Romance (Books)


#17 in Marriage:


#20 in Interpersonal Relations (Books):


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Top Amazon Reviews

    • Amazingly Insightful & Helpful Book regarding Couples
I have absolutely no connection with the author, only a desire to contribute to others. Curious as to who writes these reviews, I'm 56, male, my wife surprised me by divorcing me after a 20 year marriage, and have two children in college. I have two graduate degrees and read a far amount of self-help books. Sue Johnson's book may truly be the best relationship book I've ever read, as it will forever change my understanding of relationships for the better. This book is interesting and clear, balancing anecdotes with straightforward descriptions of her conceptual observations. According to Johnson, she gained her novel and deep insights from watching, and watching and re-watching videos of couples struggling in therapy using the best previously known tools. She listened to couples describe their relationship using "life and death" language. The existing tools, such as analysis and insights regarding childhood relationships, how to be reasonable, mirroring listening skills, and negotiation training, didn't seem to work. Building on others' insights, Johnson came up with what she calls EFT: "Emotionally Focused Therapy." The thesis is that all people, including successful intellectuals, seek at the core of their relationship emotional attachment and safety. There are key negative and positive emotional moments that define the relationship. Seems mundane, but yet as I read the book, I found myself getting so many gems and Ah-Ha's that my copy is now underlined with post-its sticking out the side. I got tremendous insight, not only into my pain and struggles and my girlfriend's, but tools on how to repair emotional injuries and connect better. The book is composed of seven conversations that are aimed at encouraging a special kind of emotional responsiveness described as the key to lasting love for couples. This emotional responsiveness has three main components with the acronym "ARE:" Accessibility (Can I reach you?); Responsiveness (Can I rely on you to respond to me emotionally?); & Engagement (Do I know you will value me and stay close?) Johnson claims great success with therapy using the EFT model and I believe it. She describes three typical patterns that couples often get stuck in: (1) Find the Bad Guy; (2) The Protest Polka; and (3) Freeze and Flee. The first and third are pretty self-descriptive. Johnson describes The Protest Polka as the most widespread and ensnaring, involves one person reaching out, albeit in a negative way, the other person withdrawing and the pattern repeating. I immediately saw that I often play the role of the protester, trying to get a reassuring connection, followed by feeling worse when my partner withdraws. I'm now more than two-thirds through this book and am now finishing the chapter on the fifth conversation--Forgiving Injuries. Even if the remainder of this book is dribble, what I've read so far leaves me confident recommending it. On a side note, I've been trained in Marshall Rosenberg's "Nonviolent Communications," also known as NVC, or "Compassionate Communications." Raised by two science oriented parents, I became a husband, father and attorney that was clueless regarding emotions. I believed that negative emotions were enemies and obstacles to higher living. When I stumbled across NVC around the age of 40, I suddenly learned, for the first time in my life, the very helpful role of negative emotions, and now consider them to be good friends, albeit still challenging. Negative emotions provide indicators of the needs that are wanting. NVC helped me tremendously and heartily recommend that as well. I have the 2008 version of "Hold Me Tight; Seven Conversations . . . " by Sue Johnson ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on September 9, 2014 by Water Dog
    • Innovative, deep, and practical tips for improving your relationship!
I highly recommend this book for anyone seeking to improve their relationship, especially for those who feel caught in cycles of fighting that seem irreparable. Johnson has research-approved strategies for understanding yourself and your partner and re-establishing a loving and secure connection. She does a great job of including the underlying psychology of relationships, easy-to-understand explanations of emotions and relationship dynamics, examples of other couples to help show her point, and practical tips for improving your own relationship. The book includes a lot of questions and activities for couples to work through together, which have been instrumental in helping my partner and I reconnect and mend rifts. I have a background in psychology and spend a lot of time trying to understand myself and my relationships, so many relationship books have felt too elementary and basic for me. Johnson notes that most relationship advice focuses on communication - how to construct your words perfectly to avoid ruffling feathers - which does little to resolve underlying issues. Research on traditional couples therapy also shows pretty abysmal results. In contrast, Johnson's method, which was revolutionary at the time, focuses instead on your feelings of connection, safety, and trust. It doesn't matter exactly how you frame things if you feel safe and loved by your partner. Her method is backed by research - there are some pretty astounding numbers showing that her method works to improve relationships! My personal experience backs these statistics - my partner and I are fighting less, we have a stronger foundation, we understand each other so much better, and our love feels deeper and stronger. When we do feel a bit stuck, we turn to the book and Johnson offers us a way out. Instead of ending arguments feeling bitter, disconnected, and resentful, we wind up feeling more connected and loving. Thank you Sue Johnson! ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on July 12, 2018 by lionsbreath019
    • Compassionate, gentle, solution-based. A relationship and life saver. From a layperson in the process of self-recovery..
This book is a relationship-saver. It is also a life-saver. There are so many people who operate from the perspective of the child, and Sue Johnson explains how a relationship can heal the past in the present. With my sweetheart, I can work out all of the pains and traumas that happened to me as a child, which show up now in my relationship with him. With gentleness and patience, and letting go of winning who is right and who is wrong, but instead learning to negotiate with love, the pain from childhood which is still in my body and unconscious today, I am healed, and so is my sweetheart. If both people in the relationship practice this, the relationship will continue to blossom and reach new levels. It is a rule-of-thumb filter guide to help me wherever I get lost in my relationship, and I can with a signal from him or even one that comes to me on its own from within me, remember, that I am having a moment of fear or insecurity, and that I can bring in the awareness, and he and I can help each other to get through those kinks and traps and even release them and grow as we do. One of the best and most important books I have read. Especially since my relationship and well-being for the both of us together and individually is the most important thing in my life. I do believe one person can start this seeing the child in their partner, and things can evolve that way, too. Thank you! ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on September 5, 2014 by Daliah

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