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Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life

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Description

Are you the child of toxic parents? When you were a child... • Did your parents tell you you were bad or worthless? • Did your parents use physical pain to discipline you? • Did you have to take care of your parents because of their problems? • Were you often frightened of your parents? • Did your parents do anything to you that had to be kept secret? Now that you’re an adult... • Do your parents still treat you as if you were a child? • Do you have intense emotional or physical reactions after spending time with your parents? • Do your parents control you with threats or guilt? Do they manipulate you with money? • Do you feel that no matter what you do, it’s never good enough for your parents? In this remarkable self-help guide, Dr. Susan Forward draws on case histories and the real-life voices of adult children of toxic parents to help you free yourself from the frustrating patterns of your relationship with your parents — and discover a new world of self-confidence, inner strength, and emotional independence. Read more

Publisher ‏ : ‎ Bantam; Reprint edition (January 2, 2002)


Language ‏ : ‎ English


Paperback ‏ : ‎ 324 pages


ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0553381407


ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 05


Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 9.6 ounces


Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.2 x 0.8 x 8.2 inches


Best Sellers Rank: #50,032 in Books (See Top 100 in Books) #55 in Parent & Adult Child Relationships (Books) #327 in Interpersonal Relations (Books) #356 in Self-Esteem (Books)


#55 in Parent & Adult Child Relationships (Books):


#327 in Interpersonal Relations (Books):


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Top Amazon Reviews


  • Groundbreaking and Not to be MIssed!
Toxic Parents is a great resource for anyone who is suffering abuse at the hands of a parent. Susan Forward is an internationally recognized therapist and writer, who has also hosted her own ABC talk radio program. As the director of Luke 17: 3 Ministries, a ministry for Adult Daughters of Abusive or Controlling Birth-Families, I must say that, next to the Bible itself, I have found Toxic Parents to be an invaluable resource for dealing with relatives who will destroy you if you allow it. When you love a family member, and treat them with love, it is hard to understand, or believe, that they would return your love with abuse and maliciousness. But unfortunately, that is reality for many of us, and this book helps us to come to terms with that, and protect ourselves from our family's destructiveness. Do your parents still treat you like a child? Do they control you with threats or guilt or manipulate you with money? Does it seem that no matter what you do, it's never good enough? As a child, did you have to take care of your parents because of their problems? Do you still? Toxic Parents explains the dynamics of a dysfunctional family in a very easy-to-read format. Types of toxic parents are discussed in detail, such as inadequate parents, controllers, alcoholics, verbal, physical, and sexual abusers, as well as the family system and why parents behave this way. Some topics covered are: Spoken and Unspoken Rules, Obedience No Matter What, I Don't Know Where You End and I Begin, No One in This Family is an Alcoholic, The Family Balancing Act, and Fear of Anger. We are shown the rigid mechanisms by which toxic parents cope, such as Denial, Projection (accusing or blaming the child), Sabotage, Triangling (confiding in or enlisting the child against someone else), and Keeping Secrets. The reader is given steps to reclaim her life and instruction on assertiveness, how to state what you are or are not willing to do, and how to confront your parent, including old, ill, or deceased parents. The chapters on confrontation are especially valuable, teaching what to expect and how to handle your parents' reactions( 'It never happened', 'It was your fault','I said I was sorry', 'We did the best we could','Look what we did for you', etc.), as well as your siblings' reactions and reactions from other assorted relatives. Toxic Parents teaches you that you are not responsible for your parents' behavior, teasing, neglect, abuse, or unhappiness, their problems, or their choice to do nothing to solve their problems. Your parents are responsible for their own lives and their own actions. This book will help you decide what kind of a relationship, if any, you can have with your parents. It helped me recognize much of what was going on in my own dysfunctional birth-family, and is a very valuable tool for anyone who needs help in understanding and freeing herself from a situation that is poisoning her life. It will open your eyes- and I highly recommend it to anyone dealing with "parent" issues in their adult lives. ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on October 16, 2004 by Sister Renee Pittelli

  • Helpful
This book was super helpful to me. Definitely worth purchasing if you're on your journey of healing from your toxic family. I've let people borrow it and they loved it too.
Reviewed in the United States on September 29, 2024 by brandi

  • A very engaging read
I found this book to be extremely helpful and easy to read.
Reviewed in the United States on August 8, 2024 by Nicolette Ustin

  • Very good, but by itself is not sufficient to resolve toxic parenting issues ...
Yikes! I thought I had it bad growing up. The stories the author relates are really horrendous, even though in the introduction she says they are what she normally runs across in her practice. Can we as Americans really be such bad parents and despicable people? I sent an email to another author this type of book and she estimated that 1/3 to 1/2 of all families are toxic to children! No wonder as a country we (i.e., the U.S.) is so messed up and our authority figures and legal system don't work for the benefit of children, society and the human species. More than sad - a tragedy. This isn't really a self help book, but rather a expose of the issue of toxic parents. Regardless it's valuable in a context of anyone who is looking to resolve issues originating therefrom. My recommendation for study is to first read Jasmin Cori's 'The Emotionally Absent Mother' (or similar more comprehensive study) then read this 'Toxic Parents ...' book alongside. For me this seemed to put a face on the issues associated with toxic parenting and also provide a competent path toward resolution. ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on April 23, 2016 by Gregory Brylski

  • Saving my life and others
My Christain counselor recommended this book. My husband devoured it from the day it came in the mail. I, the victim, had to sit it down at times so I could sleep. It is very thorough and eye opening. The Lord knew the suffering in my heart and gave me just what I needed. My counseling continues and my enormous load gets lighter each day. As far as gifts from God, I rank it second only to my salvation. If you're the victim, take this life preserver and free yourself from the undeserving guilt you've been living with. Get a Christain counselor and start this book. 5/2010 I've given this as gifts. After reading reviews of the book Hush by Nicole Braddock Bromley I realized I needed to look at this review and make is more usefully objective. Although it has been a while since I read this, I still remember it very well! What I like Dr Forward gives clear directions on how to be honest with yourself and the abuser(s) thereby freeing yourself to heal. The last chapter gives a step by step guide on how to confront your abuser(s) with details on where, who and the option of a letter if need be. The truth shall set you free! This book is not just filled with miserable stories that, while they can seem to alleviate the pain because you know you're not alone, they actually can add to the burden of pain if you read too many of them. Dr Forward gives actual psychological explainations of why victims react the way they do. It's liberating to know my reactions made sense and were not signs of insanity. What I don't like Some of those miserable stories had such graphic details, I felt like I was there. Sadly, those details are sometimes needed to show the extent of the pervereness, but now I have one that sometimes plays over in my mind. NOT something I needed! Comments that Dr Forward makes is obvious she is not Christain. While I can truly understand why people would lose their faith after such misery, I personally know how important my faith was in keeping my sanity. I even told my adoptive father (my abuser), "It's a wonder I didn't end up a lesbian and athiest because of you!" A person's faith is too personal and she should have stayed neutral in that arena. Dr Forward should have given a suggested time line on reading this book. Myself, I could manage about 1 chapter in a day then lay it down for a month. There is so much pain with childhood abuse and plowing through this book at break-neck speed could possibly hurt more than heal. Take little bites, and then "chew" slowly. ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on April 7, 2008 by Kim Christain

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