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Margaret K. McElderry Books

The Way I Used to Be

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Arrives Wednesday, Feb 26
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Description

New York Times bestseller! In the tradition of Speak, Amber Smith's extraordinary debut novel “is a heart-twisting, but ultimately hopeful, exploration of how pain can lead to strength” (The Boston Globe). Eden was always good at being good. Starting high school didn’t change who she was. But the night her brother’s best friend rapes her, Eden’s world capsizes. What was once simple, is now complex. What Eden once loved—who she once loved—she now hates. What she thought she knew to be true, is now lies. Nothing makes sense anymore, and she knows she’s supposed to tell someone what happened but she can’t. So she buries it instead. And she buries the way she used to be. Told in four parts—freshman, sophomore, junior, and senior year—this provocative debut reveals the deep cuts of trauma. But it also demonstrates one young woman’s strength as she navigates the disappointment and unbearable pains of adolescence, of first love and first heartbreak, of friendships broken and rebuilt, all while learning to embrace the power of survival she never knew she had hidden within her heart. Read more

Publisher ‏ : ‎ Margaret K. McElderry Books; Reprint edition (March 7, 2017)


Language ‏ : ‎ English


Paperback ‏ : ‎ 400 pages


ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1481449362


ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 66


Reading age ‏ : ‎ 14 years and up


Lexile measure ‏ : ‎ HL640L


Grade level ‏ : ‎ 9 - 12


Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 2.31 pounds


Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.5 x 0.9 x 8.25 inches


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Top Amazon Reviews

    • Heart Wrenching
Very well written book, it pulled me in from the very beginning and I stayed up all night to finish it. It’s a story of hopelessness and how easily things can spiral by a single action. Definitely eye opening and gives more of a perspective of somebody behaving poorly or self destructive.
Reviewed in the United States on November 13, 2024 by T. J. Reads
    • great book!
What a great story. I felt hurt for everyone involved. Finally the truth prevails. This is worth the read. Can be a little difficult but worth it.
Reviewed in the United States on November 25, 2024 by Mary Kay
    • Very tragic
I’ve never been super big in to books or reading, but I couldn’t put this one down. It’s such a sad and tragic book and about the first 100 pages left this pit in my stomach. It gets straight to the point immediately. If you don’t like sad books I probably wouldn’t recommend this, but I thought it was amazing. ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on October 5, 2024 by kimberly weeks
    • Very emotional story!
Slight/minor spoilers. This book is just...it's just everything. I felt everything the characters felt. I was heartbroken, angry, frustrated, I felt betrayed and astonished. I just.. so many tears were shed. I texted my niece multiple time to tell her what I was feeling. She recommended the book, so I felt it was only fair to share the journey with her as I read it. Eden is such an impactful character. She goes from a 14 year old bright, shinning, happy young girl to a young woman looking for a way to free herself. Her path was tumultuous and heartbreaking. Each part of the story takes her one step further down a dark road. Seh breaks my heart so many times while simultaneously frustrating me with the decisions she makes. She hurt so many people, but no one more than herself. However, she find her redemption, her key to freedom, and she finds the strength to grab it with both hands, even while those hands were trembling with worry and doubt. I'm glad that she was able to reunite with her brother and clear the air with Amanda, but I'm sad that the book ended before it showed whether she was able to make amends with Stephen, Mara and even Cameron. I would have at least like to see her and Mara reunite. I also would have liked to read about Kevin getting what he deserved. Maybe an epilouge that showed many months/years into the future for a quick update on everyone. Perhaps Mara and Cameron stayed together and maybe Eden and Josh could have found their way back to one another. The ending was fine, it was just really abrupt and left a lot of questions unanswered. All-in-all, the book was very good. It hits you in the heart and makes you really care about the characters. ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on May 30, 2023 by BusyBookMomma
    • Beautiful Book
This is such an amazing book. If you’re on the fence about getting it, do it! You won’t regret it! It had me hooked and was a definite page turner. Plus, there’s a second book to turn to after you’re done!
Reviewed in the United States on October 6, 2024 by midwestmom
    • Bit overly dramatic
Rated 3.5 of 5 stars Amber Smith had me from the first chapter of this emotionally, heart tugging story. The story follows Eden “Edy” McCrory after she has been brutally sexually assaulted by her brother’s bestfriend at the tender age of 12 years old. Questioning herself, fearing for her safety, angry with her family or brother for not protecting her in her own home…she cocoons herself away. Hence, the title of the book. The tragedy that emerges is one that the reader will hate to live through. Eden becomes less of the sweet, innocent child and more of the wild, hateful, hurtful person no one thought she could be. Eden goes through many trials on her journey to find herself and her comfort level with what happened to her. She goes through self-blaming, self-medicating, isolation, suicidal thoughts and then finally she finds the strength to do what feels right, what really gives her strength. Overall, the story was broken into each year of high school but technically, the story develops in three parts…beginning, middle and end. The beginning grabs the reader quickly and assures that you won’t want to put the book down until about the 100 page mark. The middle slows tremendously for the reader as Eden continues her struggles to find herself but also really mimics a normal teen with rebellious behavior. This continues until the 300 page mark with most readers growing tired of Eden’s rebelliousness and begs for her to deal with her issues head on or at least let someone in to bring another dimension to the story. This “letting someone in” doesn’t occur until the last 75 pages. Therefore, the ending seems to be comforting and triumphant but you almost feel like your holding your breath with the main character as she finally shares her story. The reader feels a great release and rush of emotion during this ending…you can’t help but feel the awkwardness and the hurt, the confusion that the Eden goes through. While the story brought the emotional upheaval I was seeking…it struggled in some areas. The terms “sorry” and “weird” are used in overabundance. Also, the story follows teenage relationships and well, the dialogue was very “teenage” like but for an adult reader it grated my nerves that no one finished a sentence nor could they express any real emotion other than saying “are you mad?” and “sorry” continuously. So that was a definite error on the writers behalf. We want to feel like we understand the characters mental and emotional state but we don’t want to be put off by the dialogue and never get the real emotions the characters are actually feeling (we only guessed). This is especially important for Eden since she is the character that we want to really know inside and out. Her telling herself she doesn’t know how she feels or what she thinks is kind of off putting and a waste of valuable moments to portray something pertinent to the readers about her evolution. Anyway, the book overall is pretty solid and I’d recommend it for teenage readers to open discussion about sexual assault. ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on May 3, 2018 by ExtraReader

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