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Penguin Books

Advice Not Given: A Guide to Getting Over Yourself

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Publisher ‏ : ‎ Penguin Books; Reprint edition (January 15, 2019)


Language ‏ : ‎ English


Paperback ‏ : ‎ 224 pages


ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0399564349


ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 45


Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 6.4 ounces


Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.2 x 0.5 x 8 inches


Best Sellers Rank: #155,308 in Books (See Top 100 in Books) #333 in Medical Psychotherapy TA & NLP #453 in Popular Psychology Psychotherapy #764 in Buddhism (Books)


#333 in Medical Psychotherapy TA & NLP:


#453 in Popular Psychology Psychotherapy:


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Top Amazon Reviews

    • and my best friend so it had convergent data so to speak
I would give this negative stars if I could. As a female psychologist who relies heavily on psychodynamic/Freudian theories and models and who is at the gateway of exploring buddhism, i looked forward to this. it also had caught the attention of my previous supervisor (whom i respect), my therapist, and my best friend so it had convergent data so to speak. one chapter in, i was bored. three chapters in, annoyed. at chapter five i was livid. here is a person who is a psychiatrist and buddhist (both of which aim to be helpful growth processes) who has managed to write a book steeped in latent sexism, misogyny, and male white privilege. the first example of someone "getting over themselves" is a female patient "treated" by a well-known psychotherapist by being asked to lie naked on a table, told that her problem is she "doesn't know how to flirt" and then given the prescription to flirt with the psychotherapist. in today's world (the example is decades old), that is illegal, unethical, and reprehensible use of power which unfortunately early psychotherapy (mostly practiced by white MDs) has a reputation for. In following examples (at least two, which was as far as I read) (chapters 4 or 5), after much name dropping, Epstein describes women with money and power who the he knows (it's called a dual relationship and is unethical in my field) and helped to "get over themselves." After three examples like this, I woke up to the fact that this book is an abuse of psychology and buddhism manipulated in a way that smacks of gas lighting. another review called this "tepid buddhism" which i think was generous. it was hard to find much at all that was buddhist, even at a tepid level. if you're into white male privilege, outdated freudian theory which relies on labeling women with "hysteria" and "neurosis", and misusing the tents of buddhism to be used to help women (who are currently in a THE MIDST OF A STRUGGLE FOR EQUALITY) to have their necks stepped on, this is the book for you. if you're into self growth, buddhism, and/or psychology, pass this piece of ego stroking trash over. ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on May 19, 2018 by Belle A Zaccari
    • This is a poor re-write of the Buddhist pathways attempting to merge contemporary ...
This is a poor re-write of the Buddhist pathways attempting to merge contemporary psychiatry with long-held traditions and teachings. Particularly burdensome is the ego-centric push of new age psychiatry - very self oriented - and patriarchal- with basic, traditional teachings of the Buddha.
Reviewed in the United States on May 30, 2018 by Mary E. Latela
    • Buddhist help with coping
Advice not given: a guide to getting over yourself by Mark Epstein reviewed by Jerry Woolpy Mark is Jewish with a lot of experience with the philosophy of Buddhism and meditation and he is a practicing analytic psychiatrist. What makes the book readable is that with all that philosophical orientation, Freud, Buddha, and many of their devotees, he is a straight forward and clear demystifier. Being psychoanalytic, it is not surprising that he is ego centered and devoted to the unconscious. Don’t get rid of the ego, because it is essential to effective living, but don’t let it dominate you. Above all do not try to suppress what is bothering you even if you don’t know what it is. Try to recognize it, understand it, and live with it. The book takes on the eight precepts of Buddhism, one chapter at a time, showing how each can be useful in patient therapy. The precepts are: Right View, Right Motivation, Right Speech, Right Action, Right Livelihood, Right Effort, Right Mindfulness, Right Concentration. In marked contrast to 613 mitzvot Moses brought down from Sinai, which speak to external behaviors to help us get along with each other, Buddha’s Rights are internal ways to cope with an ever-changing universe, and like Moses’, to get along with the vicissitudes. Jerry Woolpy <woolpy@gmail.com> or jerryw@earlham.edu ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on January 27, 2018 by Jerry Woolpy
    • Endorses abuse of patients, deeply misogynistic
I bought this book without reading the reviews, as I had read "Trauma of Everyday Life" and found it helpful. This book is NOT that, and I found myself discarding it with disgust. As another reviewer mentioned (and I cannot believe it didn't stand out to more people), he displays a deep disregard for the emotions of women. And, most troubling, in his chapter on Right Action (of all things) he tells the story of a prominent psychotherapist "treating" a woman's panic disorder by viewing her naked and then teaching her "how to flirt." The fact that the author not only has no issue with this incredibly unethical and immoral act by a therapist, but that he essentially endorses it as skillful, really makes me question his entire attitude toward the Buddhist moral precepts he uses as the foundation for this book, as well as his skill as a therapist. If someone can write a book like this in the middle of the #MeToo reckoning, it really taints their entire oeuvre for me. I cannot discourage people enough from reading this book. It's a shame, I think there is great value in combining Buddhist and psychotherapeutic approaches, but the absolute lack of mindfulness or care presented here is truly troubling. ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on August 16, 2021 by Amazon Customer
    • Extremely helpful link between Eastern and Western thought
It's rare to find an author who bridges the gap between committed Buddhist practice and an inquisitive, deep understanding of Western psychoanalytic practice. I have really benefitted from his books. So many times, the depth of Eastern traditions get watered down in an attempt to "explain" them to a Western audience. Epstein does not do this but, instead, opens the conversation with some of the most helpful aspects of Western approaches to one's particular incarnational "stuff": identity, working with emotions, childhood traumas and how they affect our practice, etc. Just saying that anger is one of the 3 poisons may be true but it's not all that helpful in discovering WHY the emotion keeps coming up. When both approaches are used in tandem, alot more clarity can arise. I've known many, many "highly realized beings" who could have probably used a little therapy to deal with their all too human issues just as not taking life so personally can help when you're rolling around in your own problems. ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on July 14, 2021 by Clawdette

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