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Harper Paperbacks

Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You

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Description

A practical guide to better communication that will break the blackmail cycle for good, by one of the nation's leading therapists, Susan Forward. “Breathe a sigh of relief! Susan Forward helps you identify and correct an intensely destructive and confusing pattern of relating with those you love. I highly recommend this important book!"—Susan Jeffers, Ph.D., author of Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway "If you really loved me...""After all I've done for you...""How can you be so selfish..."Do any of the above sound familiar? They're all examples of emotional blackmail, a powerful form of manipulation in which people close to us threaten to punish us for not doing what they want. Emotional blackmailers know how much we value our relationships with them. They know our vulnerabilities and our deepest secrets. They are our mothers, our partners, our bosses and coworkers, our friends and our lovers. And no matter how much they care about us, they use this intimate knowledge to give themselves the payoff they want: our compliance.Susan Forward knows what pushes our hot buttons. Just as John Gray illuminates the communications gap between the sexes in Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, and Harriet Lerner describes an intricate dynamic in The Dance of Anger, so Susan Forward presents the anatomy of a relationship damaged by manipulation, and gives readers an arsenal of tools to fight back. Read more

Publisher ‏ : ‎ Harper Paperbacks; Reprint edition (July 30, 2019)


Language ‏ : ‎ English


Paperback ‏ : ‎ 272 pages


ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0060928972


ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 71


Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 13.4 ounces


Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 8.04 x 5.31 x 0.67 inches


Best Sellers Rank: #42,366 in Books (See Top 100 in Books) #34 in Domestic Partner Abuse (Books) #284 in Interpersonal Relations (Books) #308 in Self-Esteem (Books)


#34 in Domestic Partner Abuse (Books):


#284 in Interpersonal Relations (Books):


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Top Amazon Reviews

    • Worthwhile to read
Great book, I bought this because I have a family member that has been a toxic person since I was a child. Happens to be my mother's sister and the amount of manipulation and making your feel guilty and a host of other things she does is ridiculous. She also tries to brainwash my mother against me, some pretty twisted crap to say the least. The book gives all these example stories and I got frustrated thinking "but this doesn't apply to me " keep reading, swear to God you have to. Towards the end it uses all the stories to explain the "why" of these behaviors. It all comes together and makes sense and if you hadn't stuck with it and read all the examples you would be lost. Very helpful book, you may never find out what truly drives their behavior but you will find out how they manipulate and hurt you and what you need to do to stop it. I've since leant this book to my mother in hopes she will start standing up for herself. Because she takes way too much crap from her sister than she ever should. I do not anticipate you will get nothing from this book, you will gain knowledge, but you have to put it to use. Stop taking people's bs. End the headaches, stress and anxiety these types of people cause. Be good to yourself. Best of luck to you all, if you are considering this book OR know someone in a horrible situation. ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on August 17, 2016 by Momsspaghetti
    • Worth the Read
Review Image by Stacey Stacey
This book sang to my soul. I wrote down quotes, and saved them on my phone for those “I need to use the restroom” moments. This must read is very great tool to help with tough conversations with people pressuring to do things their way. Also, to remind to send an “SOS” to yourself and take time to register what your body is screaming at you when you need it. I strongly recommend this book for the people who pressure and the people who feel pressured or even paralyzed when you can’t say no due to fear of retaliation, reactions, shame or guilt, or any other reason. ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on August 17, 2023 by Stacey Stacey
    • Another Amazing Book!
This is a wonderful, enlightening read into the psychopathy of the narcissistic, manipulative, anti-social people who try to guilt you into doing what's best for them - but worse for you. They win, you lose. You slave away, they fire you and try to erode you personal sense of wellbeing - all the while enjoying your hardwork and goodwill. Susan Forward changed my life with her excellent insights and poignant advice. I was able to see just how narcissistic my self serving family was, how little they cared about the daughter in their life, how they took great pleasure in bragging about my success, all the while emotionally clobbering me any chance they could, no more! Enter Susan Forward with the most healing therapeutics ever!! Your advice works! Thank you Susan!! ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on December 31, 2020 by SuperGirl
    • Emotional Blackmailers=Narcissism
Great book with really useful/helpful information. However, in most of these cases, you are really dealing with narcissists. Calling it just emotional blackmail is like calling an alcoholic someone who is fond of drinking. If you find that your resonate with many of the examples, do yourself a favor and get more help on narcissism because that it what you are really dealing with. Great books on Amazon and YouTube has some great videos. I like Dr. Ramani for learning all you could want to know about the subject. Giving it 4 out of 5 stars for missing the mark on this vital aspect, imho! ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on September 18, 2020 by M. McKinney
    • Very useful tool for seeing things from both sides.
Excellently written. Helped me to put into perspective some of what I have gone though. I am usually the one being blackmailed but until I read this book I had no idea that I myself was applying my own blackmail in my current relationship. It really helps you to see how you might be hurting someone you love just because you are used to reacting to all the things other people put you through. Sometimes we feel pain and have no idea where it comes from so we lash out blindly at those closest to us. You can only change your behavior if you know what you are doing wrong and how you should be handling the situation. I like how this book also doesn't criminalize the blackmailers too much. It makes a point that they are frequently reacting to something bad that happened to them in their past. If your blackmailers are your parents that helps because even as frustrated and angry you might be with them, you will always love them. It is good to know that there is actually a reason why they do what they do and that it really isn't something I did to deserve to treated the way they have treated me. I like that the book explains what you might be doing to set yourself up to be blackmailed. This is something I really needed to know. I borrowed this book from a library but now I am ordering my own copy. Very helpful and I will be rereading this book again. ... show more
Reviewed in the United States on June 28, 2011 by Rayne

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